flyingredkites

Flying Red Kites

2010-02-15T01:19:00.005+08:00

now that i have sign up to become an architecture student for the next 5 years.i have been warned of the long sleepless nights ahead and the antisocial freak status i might award myself with.

i presume that i'll have no time, and probably no life in the near future, the fact that i have two blogs, has now become hilarious.
so i'm keeping it to just one, and i'm moving

here

ta, >.<

Barracuda

2010-01-24T09:24:00.013+08:00

now that i've announced my photoblog, i can afford to be stupid here. not that i am not stupid anywhere else.

1. i've been reading my old entries. i was so alive back then . is this an age thing? do people die silently as they age?

2. that wasn't a rhetorical question, but if it was, i would like to answer "no"

3. the conclusion that some may make that i am broken, sad and empty are just some messed up theory thou emo kids would love to throw, but no, i choose not to sign up with thou club.

4. i write when i feel like it, which amazingly comes when i am feeling blergh. which would explain no.3

5. i will be flying off in February, it would be awesome if it was on my birthday,

6. i am doing architecture, not medicine, or engineering , or economics, or anything else that people thing i look like i might end up doing. or law.

7. come febuary, i will be homeless, so i try to snuggle in as much as i can now. i even took pictures to remember how a home looks like.

8. i will be flying off to unsw, and would so love to visit and crash in with syireen dan pura pura menjadi pelajar rmit for a day,

9. i have anxiety attacks, and i cry wee wee wee wee. that sounds funny when written.but its not. it really isn't

10, because ill be homeless soon, i have come to a conclusion that why not spend now. while i still have a place to store all my purchases.

11. Robin, Scherbatsky, that is how it is spelled, you faggots.

12. and no, as much as you think it will, but it will not be legendary, because you guys are just not barney the awesome stinson.

13. neil patrick harris can do musicals and still be awesome. and not turn fag like . like how that efron kid has successfully ruin his reputation.

14. watch year one. because its jack black and micheal cera.

15. speaking of, maybe i should do reruns of jackass.

16. thanks nis, now i cannot bloody shut up about running around in boots. buying a watergun and play cowboy.

17. my mother was wrong when she said boots is only for winter.

18. clearly she has never had a thing for cowboys. like i do,

19. i was never in love, until i met kenneth cole yesterday.

20. all i want and am doing is running my fingers all over him. his black. all the more reason.

21. no, not like what you think it is.

22. i think television is the second greatest invention after roller coasters.

23. its been a while since i last saw a butterfly.

24. wasting money buying bus tickets is really the only productive thing i've done since college ended

25. i slept in an architecture studio last saturday. i would like to think my awesomeness level on the awesome meter have move up by one point.

26. bathed in a shopping mall toilet. how sophisticated. no?

27. i am not 25. fark lah, i am 20

28. fark lah, i am 20.

29. does that mean, i have to act cool. and 20 like. because i can't . this is pissing me off

30. escalators in singapore moves twice as fast as the ones in malaysia. which explains a lot

31, its basically pointless putting all these night creams on. i have gazillion melanin and unless i decide to have a laser surgery which basically is impossible because ill be poor soon, i will have to make do with the fact that ill be tan and dark.

32. which is okay, since i am going to sydney. so ill blend in.

33. poyo of me, but i am really excited to get started with my classes.

34. if there were 5 , we could've have perfected the wondergirls dance move.

35.darn it hanis- canberra ?seriously!

36. syireen asyina ismail, i miss seating in a box with you. and getting summons, and drives around without a helmet. bet can't do that in aussie.

37. which of course is not entirely true. because we might find a bigger box.

38. that nerd with the crop pants, and the gold glasses, and the fly blue blazer, is stuck in my head, he was cute.

39. he went to Bartlet! friggin Bartlet!

40. fuck it.

The Long Overdue

2009-12-20T02:07:00.003+08:00

i've been wanting to do this for a very long time, guess it wouldn't hurt to try

http://atiqahmuhamad.blogspot.com/

The Commemoration

2009-11-21T03:44:00.017+08:00

"close my eyes count to ten,
open up, here i am at the end"

graduating feels...

like sipping hot coffee on a raining Sunday morning. like popcorn at a love movie.like dancing to Daft Punk on the kitchen floor.like running wild on the Caribbean beaches.like that gush of wind that blows against your tanned skin.like speeding on a freeway.like walking alone with your trench coat on a street of lights.like laying on a valley of daffodils.like staring into the sky trying to draw constellations.like for a second you had wings, and you flew.

you can't see the other side, you have no expectations of what might be. just mere chances and possibilities. but it feels good, you wish the feeling stays a little longer, you wish you'll live in the moment for forever. and that would be enough. you can't stop smiling though it aches. you can't stop laughing though it hurts. and you feel free. you know you are free. i never say this, but i am proud of myself,

i am proud of of every single one of you folks that fought your way to the end. this has been a long hard road that we've trudge, but lets cross over. lets end this with grace.

i salute all comrades of AUSMAT class 'o9. congratulations, you can hold that scroll and be proud
touche'

The Race Ends Here

2009-11-17T00:35:00.009+08:00

crack some balls , so here goes nothing...

* centrepoint's much missed rooftop*

i seat here, as she packs along, i just seat here and watch. i seat here in my corner of this small haven, probably even my second home already and for the thousandth time, i'm at a lost of words. i could only tell you that i've written countless drafts, call me a coward but if lines of anger, if lines of one who surrenders becomes words on your lips, then i wouldn't have come to this end, i wouldn't have come out battered ,i wouldn't have done myself the justice, i wouldn't have finish this with grace, i wouldn't be able to hold that scroll - with pride. because i know me, i would have consumed myself with the unnecessary, i would have exaggerated, i would have repeat the chant until i believe that i can never do it, because its safer to put yourself down low, to constantly only achieve what is decent and not aim high. i would have.. but i did not.

i seat here, and my voice chokes up every time i try humming to that tune, i seat at an in between of feeling proud and glad, yet just sad and bitter. its funny if you ask me how our senses work. a tune, a smell, a taste just brings you back in time, then everything flashes by you like a tape on rewind. fast yet familiar. and at the end of it you find yourself half laughing half crying - pathetic much. i have a feeling packing up and the goodbye will be different this time, it would be hard to do.

The Story I Wish I Can Have

2009-11-16T05:42:00.008+08:00

"I can live only wholly with you, or not at all" - Ludwig Van Beethoven

.today is my parents 25th anniversary.

*
and,

my mum whom despise going to the cinema,
wants to watch 2012
on her 25th anniversary

i hope this means
" bah, i'll be with you until the end, the end of time"

my mum is one clever woman isn't she
i want to have 25 and more

The Elastic Limit

2009-08-09T20:56:00.005+08:00

" you're out of luck " - Bono

everyone has their own baggage to carry. everyone has their own fights to win. i have mine and you do too, i am sure. so don't patronize, don't throw accusations, don't make it harder than it already is. the difference between people, and the degree of respect that they earn is how they come out of that shit hole. seriously. i have my own punching bag, i suggest you get one too. jeng :)

you seldom get weeks where everything seems to happen at one go. last week was one of those very rare weeks. the kind where you get to see how people are stripped off the mask that they clinged so tight to, the kind where you see who voluntarily comes to your rescue and offers a hug, offers a punching bag, the kind where you see how forgiving or unforgiving people can be, the kind that you see how time flies and you finally have to bid adieu, the kind where you decide to go for a night out and drown in its silence, the kind that makes you seat at the park for hours wishing that you are that kid with that pink slippers chasing those cute little boys, the kind where you try to put matters of the past, the present and what could be into perspective , the kind that reminds you that everyone else is also human, no different than what you are. so be fair.

i hope kan, everyone will be happy. heee :)

sometimes i don't see a point of rambling , i read sarah's (sim) blog just a few hours ago, and what she wrote haunts me. what she wrote haunts me because it's true.

"you don't say the same things to two different person do you? at least not in the same mannerism and tone" -sarah sim.

p/s : mppj are such gold diggers, stalkers even. i don't appreciate you taking the money that i have been saving up for a duffel bag, a pair of flats, or a decent dress . or a nikon D5000. mppj jahat.

The White Flag

2009-08-02T21:08:00.007+08:00

" ma, bah, i know you check on me here, thank you. i don't say thank you enough"

ma, bah nak balik penang sekejap. i need your blessings before my mock exam. before it's too late. i'm caving in, i feel like crying on your shoulders like a five year old.

:'(

abang says he wants to go home too but the difference between him and me - he gets to go around sydney, he gets to backpack around melb, and he gets to scuba dive like Nemo in great barrier reef. he is already where he wants to be or at least suppose to be. the difference between him and me- his future is a secured one and mine is like a fog in the wee hours. its slowly evanescing away.

The Fine Thread

2009-08-02T13:54:00.003+08:00

"it's time to live and let die" - billie joe armstrong

i like it more back then. when the world that i know now, is much less of a scary place, much less of a shit hole. oblivious to all of its complexities. when right is just right, and wrong is plain wrong. an obvious two. it's vague now, there is a fine thread that separates the good and the bad. then you have the difficult in between, the ugly and the reality of things. what you see, is never what you get. they say, what you don't know, won't hurt you, so i deliberately ask -" really now? that's just fucking denial" . sometimes our faith shakens under the unspeakable truth, and you are left uninvited, pondering in the corner. what do i believe in these days?

the fight gets tougher, the problems ain't petty, the drunk don't get any wiser. and math ain't getting any easier.

. ciao .

The Morning Wishes

2009-07-30T07:35:00.015+08:00

"lets have coffee, shall we"

hey,
g 'm o r n i n g

*
the semi-awake-college-going-kid

The Silent Slam

2009-07-26T00:56:00.019+08:00

"où êtes-vous?"

so i used to asked. then at some point it became rhetorical. it slowly didn't matter anymore. hye, i'm here, same-o me.i've been on hiatus fer some time, i choose this , i choose to be invisible ( at least to you). you should know, i'm alive, definitely better than the time before. not that it would do any difference. not that its of any significance, but i promised to be a friend, and i am still here. i hope you're happy, i am not bitter. maybe immune would fit in just perfect. this thing in me, the one that beats every half a second, it shrunk . so small that i don't think i have space fer resentment. i don't resent you fer all the things you did or didn't do. my heart is an empty room, and i'm waiting fer my IKEA. .

people are like clothes. your heart jumps at the sight of that new dress on a mannequin, try it shall we. it fits, more than perfect on you. then after some time,it may look just as exact, but when you put it on, it just feels different. it's not that the materials changed, the elements, the sewed on string, the buttons, the pins, the ruffles, the detailed lining - nada, nothing's changed but the colour fades, worn too many of a time. it used to be a favourite, now its in those piles of forgotten draggy cloths. it served you well, even a little more than expected. but it just wears out.

i listen to the beatles and i don't expect to get that same rush like before, and it had to be THE BEATLES :'(

i wish you well, i hope you will be happy, but not on the expense of others, i hope you''ll become a realist , i hope that you don't use maturity against anyone, not until you earn that right. i hope the next person that you sing to, would be the song that you wrote, the same one you told me before, the same one that i will never get to hear, and she will sleep to it like a lullaby, trust me, she would find comfort in that. i would know. i hope you make all the right choices, and even if you don't it's all the wrongs that would make it right. please remember her birthday. put her on speed dial. don't let her get grounded. if you decide to buy her a guitar, teach her. you make a good teacher. it wouldn't hurt to ask how she's been. say like you mean it , at least try to. don't hang up on her. don't say hello and then be silent. give and take, it works. don't patronize her, she's not you. she's only human, she's not you. promise me you would give it a try, for her sake, for your sake. tell her about the dreams that you have, about the theories of the world. make all the goodbyes easy.

maybe i don't know you enough, so i hope you give her the fair chance i didn't get.

its been too long
thank you, but i am me once more.

The Quiet Times

2009-06-20T01:13:00.014+08:00

" did you stop at any time, have doubts at any stage?"

i rarely update. i have more drafts than the posted ones. you'll never get to read the drafts. i feel so powerful even herculean just telling you that. i would write and post it three weeks after. so you won't even notice it. i would write and post it three weeks after, so if we meet in real life, you won't see me putting on a veggie face - its pretty fucked. i write, and you won't read. because you think blogging is cheap publicity.

i rarely update. i don't understand why people want me to update.

i rarely update, but if i start to write again you have the license to call me hypocritical

i rarely update, but there comes a point, i realized, how i am responsible for the choices that i make. how the life that entangles in front of me are controlled by my own invisible hands. and how i can never live or at least try not living by others' expectations. so this is me saying, i miss blogging. and so i shall write. and post it.

The Puncture In Her

2009-05-21T21:38:00.017+08:00

few things make me move these days

few things make my world rattle, makes it heave
very little things even matter

at least not too long ago, some bastard gave a crap, its even pathetic now that not one single jackass gives a holly ass shyte. there, who says you can't have that much swearing in one sentence.

tired is when the body feels like a punching bag, beaten all over. weary is when the body feels like purging every drop of caffeine drank under the influence of undone assignments. enough is when nights are meant for preparing speeches on euthanasia, morning comes and you try to make sense of that 5 pages long of justification on the nonsensical practice of mercy killing , afternoon knocks and it's time to dig up some brainy ass clever answers on exchange rate, and it's midnight again, and it's back to square one. it's back to squeezing that minuscule brain of yours on the suitability of the linear regression technique.

in between is the time of torture. the after hours is when the aftermath takes its course. exactly when you feel like all hell have break loose. so you go on screaming in your head, at decibels so high, your vein dilates and eventually raptures. exhausted. and all you ever wanted, all you ever crave is one good dream, one decent sleep. an imaginary world where you try to make belief of all things far fetched, so you hang on to that last grip, so tight, that maybe you wouldn't fall out of grace (again).

the silent therapy is when you first let that tough slap across the face cools away. the quite epiphany is when you make peace with the mistakes you thought would do justice for all the things you've done wrong, a retribution for the times you thought life is all about the wrongs that you ought to make at the right time. the psycho escapist period is when you poke through all your exam sheets, you make multiple attempt of killing your snugly pillow , you try to treat nescafe like it was John Barleycorn also that time when you go on a hiatus and resort to hookah.

the act of ceding is when you deliberately ask the rhetorical question , why-oh-why. relinquishing is when he tells you "tomorrow you'll fail to fail" and it turns out to be a complete bogus, the sympathetic lie you wish nobody would ever tell. giving up is when you seat on your chair and thought- that's enough, c'est la vie. c'est la vie. and life's' a bitch. giving up is when you gave it all, you swore you gave everything and still got back a handful of crap.

putting up a block dead face is when you're almost rolled out eyeballs fells like sinking in tears. exiting the class in blisters of shame. escaping the heavy air that chokes your right around the neck. bringing the world to silence is when you simply shuts off and remain hollow, untouchable by all remarks.gliding through the crowd is when you try to be invisible, because they've had the pieces all wrong. failure is my middle name. it's always there. now maybe just more commonly addressed than before.

i want a stranger, completely orthogonal. i want a stranger to show me all the new places. i want a stranger that would excite me with all the new experiences. i want a stranger to shake my world. to make me do somersaults again.

haha, saya nak mati. kadang kadang walaupun hanya expression, it insinuates the real situation.

The Expiry Date

2009-04-25T14:47:00.010+08:00

" bing. candler bing- because I was obsessed with Chandler's sarcasm"

in loving memories of Bing

we shall now say a prayer for Bing
Bing left me and the roomie on 19th April 09, at the age of 2 months and 3 days,

Bing arrived on the 16th, a small token from Sue, for my birthday. Bing came along with Phoebe , but Phoebe died two days after. Bing pooped before he died, I watched it in slow mo and it hit me, fishes do poo. It was one of those "national geographic" moment. I sat and watched slowly as his body turned over and floated. And then it ended. It was a tid bit disappointing. He was fun to watch in the morning. He was fun to watch after classes in the evening. He was fun to say goodnight to. Bye Bing. Go to Phoebe now, she misses you.

The Physics Of Us

2009-04-15T00:59:00.010+08:00

"Cliche becomes a cliche for a reason, because they work"- Mcreamy

i am unscathed. like phi, 2.374, i am a constant. radius square me, i am still a constant
you are unscathed. like induced e.m.f, you exist with the principle of change over time
then it all make sense. it must make sense

e.m.f = - B ( phi radius square)/ time
you = - Bullshyte ( me) / time

the physics of us, we give it a good equation. Faraday gave us an equation.
exponentially, we decay over time.
so we go unscathed.
it's just physics.

The Killer

2009-04-14T23:59:00.012+08:00

" it's quiet again, i can listen to that voice in my head again- hey mate, its about time!"

story :

stupid fuck. a serial killer on execution.they let him choose, they let william choose.william killed a woman on a monday morning because he felt like it, slit another two by the neck on tuesday because the first wasn't enough. william head out for another three on wednesday because the high was beyond measure. he liked the number sequence it made. had his hands cuffed on that same wednesday.derick " the pretty hair" had william's skull removed.he is god on his op table. william's brain is now exposed, he bangs hard on the rail of that white bed. bled. a fiesta of haemorrhage. all because coward has the guts of a five year old. william smells lemons on his death bed, so his father wasn't lying after all. the death was a silent occasion. fast.disgracing.pitiful.and meredith, mer cannot stop crying i cannot watch meredith. she's extra baggage, poor derrick. poor pretty head.

monologue:
she cannot stop crying still and i, damn it, i am extra baggage just like her i hate that my eyes, they get teary like a stupid fuck . where can i get a derick? i demand for a derick. name a price, i want a pretty head that brings coffee in the morning. delicate surgeon hands is a plus.

soliloquy:
i judge, and so do you.like every other hypocritical whiner that ever trudge this land. its in the system, in the mechanics of a living human. synthesize it, let it sink. but you, and me. we don't get to punish. ( physically/verbally/ nods/ twitches/ facial expressions/ awkward poses/ body gestures/ eye contacts). we don't get to play "HIM".

that's it we are all going to burn in hell. it's going to be hot.real temperature rising just like what sean paul said.

.ngerh.

The Farcical Clown

2009-04-12T19:52:00.019+08:00

'lets get ultraman gaia now,(they) need saving"

maybe it gets pretty interesting if you decide to write like a bastard carrying a basket full of emo shit, and it gets funny to think that you are more emotionally deranged than Meredith Grey is, that really your company and the world that fits you is tainted mono chromatically, that every inch of you have torn like paper mash, like every fiber of your being when tacked up together draws a sinister figure and that you are that sole person that says i have an interchangeable trains of thoughts, i don't think, i do and i do it without reason, i do it and i don't need a reason. and that concludes the idea of you , the way you want to be portrayed or at least remembered by and you scream to the world that you are born cynical, and sarcasm is the caffeine; the miracle that keeps you ticking. in the end, you win anyhow, you are eccentric now, you will wear that crown, i would laugh real hard, i would laugh (at you) so hard i'd chocked and i will clap for you.

it's not a negation, because to be frank, i enjoy the long yammer and twisted approximation on the severity of things. i would know, it's a phase, and we will all get pass it someday. that i am not so different, so no need for anxiety attacks, go on fabricate, entertain me.its not even tangible. so yeah why not, let's see how things would fair in the tangible world.

high school was yesteryear, so you should have acted the drama when you were in one.
everyone is so funny this days. lets give it a toast shall we.

* he - (any he with an ego of a monster would do) was right yet again because we woman have a truck load of emotion running down our spines. i wish i wish i was a boy on casual days - cold.stupid.shits all day long.lepak je. still, cheers to the other half of the woman of the world, the less hormonal ones.

we, we are all insignificant. face it, you, me , all the lizzies, the roberts, the jaihoos, the maheshs of the world.. we are so very puny and tiny. maybe that's why we create something so huge , so boringly huge, so we would matter, so maybe we would become significant. but really we aren't. wake up, knock you head once, then hit it harder again.

ciao

The Never Blooming

2009-04-12T16:59:00.020+08:00

" i reckon The Perishers, are being literal "

lighting struck, now its silent and dark
like to try to light a candle
but for that I'd need a spark
now its cold on my side of the bed
partly here, partly gone
our luck changed,i don't know why
don't know when, i wonder where we would end up
i know we'll grow,
but
........................................

then comes the part i'd defy. all too often of a time. too wrecked of an ending - far too good of a tune. its sinful, its crime.it'll sink in someday.eventually digestible. it was never a choice, not on me.so until that someday, suan le, let me be .it's easier this way

the epiphany song
*
dweeb

Sixsidessixshades

2009-03-15T18:46:00.010+08:00

"6colours 6sides- it ain't rocket science"

yesterday, at solaris, i helped a stranger, probably even made his day. i should say he is quite a cheerleader.

yesterday, this stranger bought a rubic's cube, he sat by the balcony, and i watched for a while, then resume doing what i do best - window shop.half an hour or so, this stranger was still at it, poor dude i thought. perched on that balcony with the rain and all. so i helped. he cheered ( a lot) made many whooooahh, oohh, fuahh, ohmygod!. then i was done. i am no einstein- i am a malaysian student, we memorize solutions don't we.he made me happy though, because for a while there i thought i was clever but truth be told i'm a C-INVERSE (in matrix language that's no, you're not clever) . thats it my saturday with a stranger.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this rubic's cube. it's entertainment. id turn the sides up, pull the sides down. move it all around, then every turn folds open a story- so its a book really. all packed in six shades. and when im done, ill do it all over again. you would know why, you taught me how. :)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ciao.

150309

2009-03-15T17:00:00.017+08:00

" Bing will be one month old tomorrow, he isn't getting any bigger. poor stunted thing"

Can I be that person that rarely updates and leave everyone in a blue.

I want to be that person you'd think has a life to get back to, than busy spending her precious hours lamenting on trivial things that really is going to bore your socks off. maybe i'll be that person who doesn't update, so the the next time when we meet , you'll hug me tight, tell that you missed me so terribly and you would meant it. then, i'll be the happiest person alive knowing that someone actually cared, and if your lucky ill get you a candy .tadaa

nyeh, sorry folks, i have lost track of time, dates , birthdays, and thank god for alarms. if those things don't go on beeping at 7.00 everyday, or at 12 on birthdays, chances are ill be forgetting it all. these are the times i'd wish the hours go on slow mo. id wake up on a moday morning and the next thing you know its a friday afternoon. of course then you have the assignmnets in between, tests, assignmnets , tests, oh wait MORE assignmnets, speeches, projects, laundry, clothes to iron, laundry, - SHOPPING. tests again. wait wait, facebook. so there you go, the pathetic life cycle of a worm.

the documentary is FINALLY a rep. thanks to you-guys-know-who- you-folks-are. had a blast yay. had a blast tak tido. yay. had a blast almost getting into a crash yay. had a blast running out of caffein yay. had a blast ala czech (phbreeww) . thank you to alpha, delta and gamma, which translates into Skywalker, Fad Fad and Syireen, extra credits to skywalker for sparring me my life and figurng out soon enough how to use the wiper. id buy you folks mentos as my LITTE token of appreciation.

i would like to throw Lina Arina Rohzan a teddy virtual hug, so tight that she chokes. congratulations woman. hope yer happie with everything, everyone and maybe we'll fly red kites and sing spongebob theme song just as a small celebration.

to han lyn , if you're reading this " whooooaahahhh i'm giving you thumbs up all the way from malaysia, good choice, nice hair, good poses, nice rebound- GIRL POWER!!!! *kindly post up more pictures-i shall stalk you through facebook*

rae- woman!!!!! i miss penang and how's all the stpm stuff going??hows the spm results like this year, tv ada datang ka? killed any teachers yet, punctured any neurons already?? buzz ya when i get home yeah :P

arina kamil + fatimah khairi : you guys would know everything first hand. >.<

ma and bah if you are reading this,i'm doing just fine here, probably a little tired ( not little more like very) but you know that already. my grades are just okay. which is disappointing. but that is as much i can do, considering everything and my constant need to do laundry first than homeworks is ridiculous but i am at ease when my clothes smells good and folled up nicely. i'm coping alright, things are fine, i don't see any holidays ahead the closest is probably in June,which is light years away. you know what would be great? if i have my car here , please please please. please. please. i have solid reasons. can i go Bandung? is my passport dead? i have a new housemate, she's Jessica from china. no i don't think she cooks pork ma. and i keep getting headaches, panadol tinggal 6 bijik. i miss fruits and brocollis , apples are getting expensive. -____- can i still get a car.

to other nitwits : you guys have fun with your holidays, tell penang i said hi. cis, mana hadiah! buat lupa

je suis alle avec vous. parler comme au bon vieux temps

im happy having panda eyes and getting fuglified. hurrah.

Jackie.Is.Naive.

2009-02-11T00:09:00.014+08:00

"gogol bordello is a name , not a tongue twister"

1. i am tired . the kind when you do 1000 push ups. but i don't do push ups. so i am lying
2. i am tired. the kind when you do jumping jacks. i do jumping jacks. so i am not lying.
3. my kidney is floating between my intestines.
4. no i wouldn't know that for a fact.
5. as sexy as otis redding's voice.
6. as true as manchester orchestra's music.
7. as sweet as damien's lullaby.
oh ha yes.. chemistry. then economics . then there are those other things.
8. no i'm not talking in riddles.
9. or am i?
10. decode. what the hell is decode. i am not a decoder. i cannot decode a file , let alone a person
11. he died young, but he wrote good tunes, but he sounded old. husky and old. just old, but sexy old.
12. hey mother fucker + bang bang +
in between these lines. you would not understand anything but you would (hopefully) sense that i am no longer sane. no not at 1232. no no.
13. does this really interest you
14. give up already?
15. pathologist. penologist. ross was neither of those, he was something else, that started with a penth- and had an -ist.
the second means - A person who studies the theory and practice of prison management. prison management?!
16. i shall be more observant and tell you soon enough.
17. bing. chandler bing have sexy hair. but only in the first season. phoebe's hair , its too seasonal. i don't understand. hmm.
18. sarah have sexy healthy hair. all three that i know (at least the ones that comes to mind)- 'chng, loh and sim.
nope not quite there yet. just a little more
19. i remembered something " there are many ways to bleed. you are my favourite"
20. wait i remember another " i am the moth, you made me feel that i have reached the moon"
.... zits. the one that sticks out between your eyes like ultraman gaia. ..zits- the one with the sarcasm, my hero.
21. thank you . hello.
22. leper. like pancake. leper like an asian face.
23. obtuse. remember?
24. what does this mean. it means it is parallel. graphically it is parallel. no intersection. just parallel.
25. * THIS HAS BEEN DELETED OUT FOR NO OBVIOUS REASON*
26. syireen says : your room is colour coordinated. tirai, pintu, bed. macam blend in tau"
27. now she is laughing in the back. and texting at the same time.
"Technically I can't tell cos Penang ppl never seem to stay together for very long "- oh so now its like that lah
28. i dont know why this is in itallic. i malas tukar.
29. oh russian is online now. hi russian.
30. sometimes material things makes me feel complete. its sick and wrong. but it works, because emotionally i am handicapped and empty.
31. no incubus this year. no mr. legend and coldplay is a tbc! TBC?! TBC! no sunbursting lah macam ini.
russian is offline. maybe its cold in moscow.
32. penang is hotter than kl or selangor, or maybe BU. i'm not kidding. maybe because penang is an island.
33. my hair turned brittle and ugly *uglier than it already was*
34. so i chopped it and realized.. it is now gone. no more rock star head banging .
i am incapable of being mature. i hate when maturity is use against me.
35. syireen is doing some re-enaction. about an insect she met last nite.
36. ok she is done now.
37. she is laughing. again.
. six sides. six colours. you're a genius if you solve it. maybe she didn't know they gave out solutions. poor thing.
38. he said it was green. but i noticed there were more yellow.
39. maybe he is colorblind. or maybe just blind. i think he is blinded by everything and everything blinds him.
40. do you know i cannot see with my right eye.
...like the dude in little miss sunshine..
41. i can never become a pilot.
42. like when the time he learns of his colour blindness... that's how i feel.
43. somebody over the other side goes by the name Tova Darling
44. hi Tova, or is it Darling?
there is something in the shelves back home. behind those empty boxes. i kept it there. and now i am thinking of it. i wouldn't remember this tomorrow.
45. i like 1, 2, 4, and 7
46. 13.
47.liam has a brother. his brother is getting married. kim has two sisters. i think one is getting married
this was from a year ago. exactly a year ago. Someone phoned me the other day trying to get in contact with you. I told them it'd been a while since I'd last seen you and I didn't have your number anymore. They miss you. They want to talk. You should phone them.
48. it skipped 16
49. my brunei housemate is gone. i don't know where she is. she took the toilet mat with her. the floor is going to get wet again.
50. so that's convenient now that we don't have a mop. because it was hers too.
..feeling of prickled skin. This is where I push the headphones closer. This is where I tell you what I think.This is where....
51. i did that on purpose
52. so you can be clueless. like i was/am/going to be.
53. APC falls and APS increases when Y increase. why? BECAUSE god damn J.M KEYNES said so. - he assumed. he assumed wrong. i tested it on myself.
yellow
54. i asked what is J.M. she blurted a name.
55. i have a hearing problem. no thanks to my headphones. so i thought - oklah John Mayer
56. like john mayer keynes the economist . john mayer keynes and the keynesian thoery. like john mayer without the keynes and his slow dancing in the burning room (track 8 - i put it on rewind)
57. track 9 started with.. "anger"- a oover of a hendrix tune. jimmy hendrix.
58. track 2. + 13.
i would stop now but its only been two hours.
59. velvet revolver, guns and roses : so do you see it.
60. tell me if you do, ill give you my imaginary friend, fabio.
flag my blog as inappropriate then shoot me.
61. halo everyone , it is 159
62. i stink.
63. rock me to sleep i have college tomorrow and physics.
64. i know the lyrics to the cny song. in chinese. i learned it in tadika
65. i told my brother when i was four, i can speak mandarin, because i know the lyrics to the song.
66. i was reading the lyrics without a tune. he laughed . pretty hard. i still remember it to this day.
67. i don't know how to pronounce onion in first gred.
68. i used to think that iron and onion is the same shit,
69. now i know onion is the one that makes you fart. iron is the one when you want to make a hole in your shirt.
my disk driver is impaired. i would want to service it. i wish that day comes quick. because hazman, i still have a stack of your dvds. i feel guilty.

70,Address Not Found
Firefox can't find the server at ----------------------------------------------
The browser could not find the host server for the provided address.
* Did you make a mistake when typing the domain? (e.g. "ww.mozilla.org" instead of "www.mozilla.org")
* Are you certain this domain address exists? Its registration may have expired.
* Are you unable to browse other sites? Check your network connection and DNS server settings.
* Is your computer or network protected by a firewall or proxy? Incorrect settings can interfere with Web browsing.
i hate when this happens. i often hate. so it often happens.

71. SEVENTYONE. is the age i want to celebrate my birthday to
72. i dont see any significance of having a mobile anymore. it dies on me, pisses me often. then dies again.
73. we called in a pizza hut in france once using skype. we called in someone in america once using skype, she picked up. it was so fun.
74. is when 148 is divided by two. is when i am feeling a little sleepy. is a a very handsome number.
" .. i practiced on the "o". but it came out ugly. it was supposed to be perfect. i am sorry you will look ugly in this"
"... i like the fact the "o" is like that. i like it imperfect. then i know you made it "
75. i think of gwen when i think of the word kawaii. it is a distorted image.
76. why not tuesday, friday, wednesday, monday then sunday.
76. no i rather saturday, saturday. saturday.
77. coppa cabbanna -fuck its stuck now

seventy seven is a good number . i'm stopping at good.

oh wait one more. the matron have sexy boobs. bosoms .
mr derrick asked : who did you thought of?
i said : pamela anderson, the one from baywatch

Mexican State on The Gulf of Campeche

2009-01-28T11:37:00.005+08:00

like what?

like that lah

Pull That Trigger, It Won't Do Harm

2009-01-17T13:32:00.009+08:00

"starsailor would be perfect"

don't we all want a reset button?
i need a reset button
so i can make things go zero again
repair man, please fix it fast,
she just wants a reset button

Sick Cycle Carousel

2009-01-13T22:43:00.013+08:00

" i would like to see my ears bleed, my eardrums is wearing away. i am slowly turning deaf. my headphones are falling apart and Apple is such a rip off. curse you steve jobs.

i have a certain respect for those who have a forte for music. i secretly think highly of those gamers that do so well at console games. i have a grudge against those who walk in 7 inch heels with grace. i have a certain admiration for those who writes with perfect grammar, who writes so poignantly, who expresses themselves so well through words and naturally have that flair for writing . i think those who are multilingual are impressive. i think life is unfair because there are people who you know " just have it".

all this because i can never do or become any of those. i am so tiny, if i die today, the world wouldn't stop to mourn my lost. not that i want to die. its just a pathetic normative statement that i came up because i think i'm having insomnia

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she clasps his hands tight. she would just like to hold his hand. she liked it that way. just holding hands.she feels safe. she feels close. he held it tight. but he questions why?he wonders of her strange request. but he did it anyhow, because it made her happy. and that was enough for him.she made it clear. its him. she took the heat.she has coarsen over the months. she don't feel pain anymore. she is numb. she obliges to the situation that they're in. she excepts it. she is happy with what is. she is content. she knows now. she can never hate. not him. he hates himself, for what has become.he is not good for her. why him?she says she is no saint either. so Satan is proud of it's work. she is already on the devil's highway. end of which hell awaits.she is not good for him. nor is he for he. so they delve into this guilty pleasure. of knowing there is nothing at the end. but they play, they play this game.it's a joke, they laugh it out along the way.so there will not be heart ache when it ends.
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p/s: jeansudakoyak
p/s: rekaansemata-mata
p/s: chuckbass-blairwaldorf inspired

My Rocky Spine

2009-01-09T00:56:00.006+08:00

"i really have nothing clever to write to impress you mr derrick. i am sure i can reach out to my full capacity once my head is in it's place or when my spine isn't hurting this much."

i have a back problem. i drive with this "mr backbone" thing that fared likes to make fun of every time he tags along in the car, without fail. he thinks its a big rip off. i think it is too . but those conversations always ends up with debates and high pitch voices all over the roof because i have an ego as big as his.*i am exaggerating here* we penang people are quite a kiasu lot. though i should say i quite like that piece of crap.

sometimes when i seat too long, my back hurts. its excruciating. the spine feels like it's going to pop out anytime soon. so painful that sometimes i think i might one day break into half. i've had horrendous imagination of my body ( waist up) dangling form my bottom half. back in those spm days, id have periods where i just glued myself to the chair, that big heavy solid wooden chair in the living room. sometimes id push it so close to that long huge dining table just so i couldn't get out of my seat. i was so sick in the head back then i thought of sometimes tying myself up to the chair. long hours of "intense" cramming worsen my back's condition. ironically, this pain of mine hits when i am out walking for long hours without seating, typically on my heavenly hours of window shopping - which of course is a big problem that i try to deny. i suffer in silence and i live in denial. (is that pathetic enough?)

there is something really wrong about it. its stupid, but sometimes i'd cry myself out just because it aches too much, i've went to the doctor even. the spine hurts so much that the pain grows up to my neck and eventually hits the end part of my brain, then i'll have one of those pulling-my-hair out cephalalgia- the one thing i hate most apart from my surgery-potential wisdom tooth. you see i visualize things , sometimes i do it unconsciously, which is disturbing! trust me it is. so when "the pain" strikes, i visualize it. and that is simple because i was exceptionally interested in the bone chapter (chapter two, form five) in biology. the vertebra column, the vertebra disc , the fluid it carries, the names ,the functions , the nerves, how many of it all together. from the skull right down to the little toes. everything about it i would have known it by heart.

i have a slouching problem. my posture is ridiculous. i don't try to correct my seating positions. i don't do yoga. i complain and whine and weep sympathetic tears. i hate milk, milo, horlicks, soy milk, anlene, or any other calcium related drinks. i am not fond of dairy products, i have a gut feeling this ache in my back will stay around for a very long time.i hate thinking that someday i might be that old lady in the park with osteoporosis, while her old husband seats lovingly besides her with one hand having hers the other holds the smoking pipe he religiously puffs.

this pointless post is the product of my aching. this is me venting. at exactly 1.38 a.m i am throwing myself at blogspot, when i am well aware i have a full novel to read and write on, another 17 chapters that i hope to finish by the next 4 hours and a write up on something really clever. i am sleep deprived. i am hormonal. i know my priorities but i choose not to oblige to it. my head and my body - they have zero coordination. i am generally a crack head.

hello new year. treat me well.

good night.

Deezembough

2008-12-10T01:47:00.022+08:00

coming home feels good.

i am contented. knowing that everyone is so near, reachable, tangible. not just the thought of them. but them physically present.here where i am. in close 50 km radar. there is something about coming back to where you first took your baby steps.i feel belonged.

penang is close to heart. my entire life, my childhood stories, the circle of people that i somehow go back to. these town have seen me grow, the streets that i have learned by heart. if only they could tell stories, then i am its no one fan. i guess i am fortunate in many ways. i feel safe here, but bandar utama holds another family. so i'm happy how things are.

the house is full again. everyone's home. ma, babah, abang and syikin. my brother's back from brisbane, or should i say, SANTA'S HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! the thing about brothers.. you think they're just there to make you feel small, insignificant and at times miserable. and then they throw you huge surprises like a freaking digital photo frame :* and all you could do is throw a huge hug and go OHMYGOD. coming home this time- we had more stories to share, more "toys" to play.

so mama went : "owh beli guitar tak bagitau pon" . yes baby met the family and i met his D80; his D80 that does wonders.period.

penang changed, a lot. as i recall, its only been two short months, i like think what it'd be like if i was away for two whole years.

my room, its still the same, but maybe a little dustier. the wardrobe, sure enough i think it's shrinking.the house. well its homie. i like it. karamellow- she's awesome. she just got herself serviced. i really missed her a lot. she smells good too. i think ma picked the right freshener this time, cruising her around again, it brought back memories of that post spm period. where it was just waking up , hanging out, skyping, movies and popcorn.. then we'd talk about the future, our fears, or how we'd be like in 7 months, how college would treat us differently, who'd get married first. he said he'd bring back a russian lady, and the other talked about how french chicks was way hotter and i'd be banging heads about australian surfers.

so the time is now. and we've grown. i am 7 months older and you guys are too. but nothings changed, we hanged at the same mamak stalls because were such fans of roti tissue, because we really are penangites at heart, we'd talk in that strong penang accent (hell yes), and because yeah were such stingy people really restaurant food just don't cut it.

ever since coming back to penang, well my days have been packed with you folks and i've never been happier. i am content now that i know you and i, we, can still talk, can still laugh, can still joke like we use to. crashing people's place, visiting queens and gurney. at some point it felt like i was back in those days , where life was simpler, easier. and i'd settle with that, i am happy with just that. because that is home for me. coming back to you guys and to my family.

hence, the reason for a delayed post. honestly speaking, this draft has been nothing more than just a draft for weeks. i do have lots to write. lots to say, lots to share but maybe just knowing how to begin, a fear of writing things that somehow might not do justice for some. i'm sorry i disappoint you for not writing, i disappoint myself too. and then you come up with things like pretty please write.-dude i'm sorry.

so if you ask how my holidays have been.. well it 's holiday alright!. and thank lord that fuel prices is going down. the timing couldn't have been any perfect. ma said she'd stop filling it up for me if i was to go out everyday. just to be fair, i didn't for use it for more than two months so everyday would be.. erm reasonable. karamellow needs me, she needs me. and the book reviews, owh that has been pretty slow but hey its the holidays!

over the holidays :

her bean bag was comfy i liked it.i love it infact.
she said : dia ikut your butt's shape. i'd get myself one.

the updates made my jaw dropped

crashing poeple's place is FUN

dota is NOT FUN

she said bye bye and hellow second semester, and the other she was geared up for boxing day in melb.

so atiqah needs shooping partner a.s.a.p

gurney is bigger now, more sales, more money to the cashing machine. happier me :)

she came down to penang, we all hung and she was exceptionally happy when she talked about him

the dudes are silly and i think they're mental capacity is pretty much the same.
then i wondered "aha... and you guys were in college in the last six months?"

he told us his stories or should i say "their" little soap opera
we went "NO WAY!! and the dudes gave clever statements like " perempuan memang buta"
the picture evidence was STARTLING!

so when is paintball again? no really i just watched hitman and i've develop a fetish for shooting!
he said " you should've have seen him, macam in the movies and the place was really like a war zone... with cow dungs and all, oh yeah!"

both played the guitar, he played with grace, both wanted it bad! both said " jpa dah cash in!!!!!!"
so i went " buy.... buy now!!! buy like there was no tomorrow"

we love toys r us. we said " dulu takdak pon shoot gun hi tech macam ni, kids are spoiled this days"
we boxed in toys r us. he played with gloria 'the hippo" i played with simbad swords. they said lets share and buy this crap.
my instincts said " you guys share, i'll shop for shoes"

more sales. people eating up cashiers. atm's running out of moolah. packed parking lots. crammed up mall. atiqah kecewa.
more sales . more knocking over. atiqah perfected shopping skills. atiqah gembira.

the wedding. queens. that evening. accidental bumps vs life's' little joke
he said : you're one heck of a stalker
she said : oh like that's new, and right back at ya.

the penang tour. the " owh i swear im not local' adventure.
she said : oh my effin god. the gps also like shyte. map oso like shyte
i said : yeah. rapid oso like shyte. fuel oso like shyte . life's all about that poo isn't it
-------
i said : where are you from?
monkee one : karakatua
monkee two : what's that?
monkee one : that's a volcano
p/s : hanlyn, rachel , nobody brings out the bitch in me like you guys do :)

the gossips. the endless crapping. the 10 rounds of hill climbing

i pleaded for movies. he gave a little more than enough. i am now stocking up for college. the drive is now 160 gigs filled
he said : so, dah habis tengok semua?
she said: are you kidding me. i'm saving up for college.

the trips to queens was getting routine. too routine.

gave more reasons/excuses to visit that heavenly place , i find a strange solitude among that large banners that reads "sale"
i drown myself in the crowd. i feel happier that way.

evening jogs. evening stroll. the awkward silence that i surprisingly take pleasure in

the free one-to-one concert over skype.

the adios 2008. the hello 2009

reality hits. a tough slap across the cheeks.
the head screams. the heart is heavy. the body refuses.
circumstances forces. the entire being eventually obliges.

it was like dejavu. i despise the way it made me feel.

college calls. still no book reviews.

the one month long of holiday was really something. a mash of everything.

it made me a little less conscious. a little more carefree
it made me a little less angry. a little more disappointed
it made me a little less selfish. a little more accepting
it made me a little less compassionate. a little more oblivious
it made me a little less hormonal. a little more rational
it made me a little less of a person. a little more numb
it made me a little less childish. a little more independent
it gave me a little less crap.
it gave me a little less doubt. a little more assurance
it gave me a little less of fantasy, a little more of hard harsh reality

it gave me more than i wished for. a lot more.

those that had made it what it was, i am throwing virtual hugs.

'Ere

2008-12-09T16:55:00.007+08:00

i'm home. i am here. i am now finally here.
penang folks, atiqah's home.

the past few weeks have been really tiring, both mentally and emotionally. now its done, ielts, finals - eveything. so i sigh in relief. breathing slowly again. taking things in a much slower pace.

i'm not going to bore you with my *ohfak-ielts-finals-nescafehabis*ramblings . Now that its done, i'm packing it all up in a box, placing that big red ribbon on top and sending that stress away for christmas. i need this. i need things to clear up. i need it fast.

ill be missing room 306, and i am dead sure i'm going to miss you folks,
i'm going to miss the pranks we pull together
but fret not, ill be coming back with perfected skills

but i'm home now, and nothing beats that.

.amirashraf.

2008-11-17T12:22:00.011+08:00

to amir ashraf bin muhamad

thank you
for introducing me to ultraman when i was three
for that Lego piece that we "shared"
for the little camping thing that we had in the yard

for teaching me the science behind "self defense"
for being the "stone cold steve austin" of the house
for once in a while breaking my bones into little pieces
because really, i think i can now regenerate them

thank you
for pointing out that farting is really.. completely human
or that time when you laugh your head off when i said that my shit looks like a fish

thank you
for that time when you taught me how to play Kingdom Hearts
though i never really made it quite pass the Tarzan Stage
for the insight into the art behind Mario
and for every single pc, ps2,ps3, and nintendo ds games that you have taught me
though i am sure i can never beat you out on any of those

thank you
for pointing out how much of a nut crack i can be
for the arguments that really put matters into perspective
for making me think long and hard what matters most in life
for making me believe in myself , when i have lost all faith
for that pat on the back
for all the "it's going to be okay"
for your silly and sometimes not so funny jokes,
for the laughs,
for your time,
for your effort,

thank you
for everything that you have taught me
for showing that you never stop caring,
for making me into who i stand today
because believe it or not,
you had to do with a lot of it

thank you
for being the big brother that i needed

abang,
happy 22nd birthday
come home quick
come home safe
we all really miss you

p/s:
- credits to your friend who took the photos. cantek :)
- sorry, took the pictures from your facebook
- nanti kasi qah main SLR
- nanti nano tu, share share lah
- nanti jangan lupa pressies!

This Season

2008-11-09T14:41:00.007+08:00

I think it's seasonal. And it's not a good seasonal thing.

I'm not a very good obeserver, but I try my best. Life goes pass us real fast, sometimes i try to catch it, hold the life clock and put it on rewind. I don't want to live knowing that I'm just passing through the motions. Because what is living to that.

To fully comprehend it would never be possible. To pass judgment without facts would be unfair. To say i understand would be a lie. To say i know how it feels can mean so much. To see others tear open, stumble in silence and surrender to their weakest self, really is heartbreaking.

Matters of the heart are never easy, always full of its complexities.Then we try rationalizing. Only problem is feelings and reasoning - they're heterogeneous. Chemically, it is impossible to blend the two. So we are left to mourn and shed, to cry our heart out by the corner. To listen to third eyed blind and question, so it really is happening? Or Bryan Adams and cry even more.

I am no guru, nor am I as wise as Anon. I'm just a helpless being, has her own struggles, needs her cushion too, trying to live the best way possible.. like you.

Its cliche, but maybe there is a silver lining to it.

I pray real hard for things to go well for everyone. I mean it, everyone. All of you

Minus Bush though...

"...i like it when you are happy, but I'll understand if you are sad, it's call being realistic. Nobody is happy all the time " - hero

Last Nite

2008-11-09T11:40:00.011+08:00

i woke up today with a little tinge.
yesterday at greenway i had to make one of those very rare choices

sabun johnson p.h 5.5 (with honey extract) or 3-1 nescafe ??

choose atiqah . choose. so i had to go with nescafe, my sedative, my late night stabilizer.my morning fix. i need coffee. its amazing how coffee can make you dance to robots in disguise's dj's got a gun at three in the morning, after much projectile motion complexities. sayang nescafe. so i resulted in buying lux at a cheaper price instaed. so syireen went : you really are the economist. i think i'm thrifty. no. i think i am economizing, mr kok has taught me well. even auntie greenway notice my habit of buying kunci emas everyday. was quite embarrased when she asked : roti semalam dah habis ke? .

one cup a day : social drinker
two cups a day : healthy number
three cups a day : alarming
four cups a day : go see a doctor * a counselor maybe

I AM AT 5 CUPS A DAY : CARCINOGENIC

love those greenway peeps. no seriously. i'm making friends with people here. the guardian pharmacist, that starbucks dude, the greenway peeps. its call strategising. you'll never know which will come in "handy" in the future.

last nite : nis borrowed " baby". said her brother wanted it for a performance. owh my baby's first adventure to the outside world. hope the world dosen't scare you because it sure freaks me out sometimes. the worlds a mess and then you have people like barack obama winning the presidency. told ya he'd win.

"owh his awful, but mccain is worst." - mrs lee

last nite : the kindy nearby had a concert. little innocent preschool kids dancing away and there i was by the corner hoping there's no phedophiles around. come on parents, do you really feel that "much movement" is ---- okay? i mean for a 4 year old. kids are growing fast, then again what's the rush?

last nite : those iranians up in A3 was partying again.more beer cans out the window . fourth night running. never occured to them pityful kids like me needs to study, get good grades, flying off to aussie then only partying. sure they couldn't careless. i am so envious of their woofer, bunyi nya whoaaah . amazing bangat. they're rich people. this one time, i saw a dude cruising around college with a mercedens-benz without the roof thingy, then blasting away the sound system like it was nobody's bussiness. oi not miami beach ok, just plain kbu college, like WTV!

last nite : i fixed my roomie's dell printer. played with the scanning and printing part. my periodic table came put pretty fancy - see nur nasuha what would you do without me . she said "she'd probably die". good answer, i think i trained her well

roomie says random thinks like this : " try using british accent for bahasa melayu " . so we tried it. no can do. bunyi kelante lah pulak

roomie says more random things : "hey shut the fuck up" in strong british accent, tho it sounded very arnold schwarzenarger if you ask. its fun. me, roomie and syireen have been using it ever since. demanded ah beng to say something real stupid in class so i can go HEY SHUT THE FUCK UP with very strong british accent

roomie thinks i'm a nut case : on 7th/11, SEVEN-E ( the wallmart) had a sort of promotion - or so the ad says. 50 first customers gets a free gift. so at 0000 hours on 7/11, we (in semi-pj) ran down to seven-e and claimed (tried claming ) the free gifts. to my ASTONISHMENT, the counter dude did not even know about it. so i argued. me arguing at seven-e for free gift. in the middle of the night, i did all the questioning while the roomie laughs hysterically in the background. now thinking back, i pity faizal *the poor chap *

freegiftsicko : seven-e ada promotion ke? ni iklan. it says 50 first customers
faizalkesian : owh kak (hoi adik ok) saya tak tau, kena tanya manager.
freegiftsicko : tapi ni dia kata FREE GIFT. kenapa tak tau.
faizalkesian : hehe esok datanglah, jumpa manager.
freegiftsicko : tapi if esok saya datang, dah tak jadi 50 first customer. macam mana!!!
faizalkesian : takpe takpe saya ingat muka

ala... :( that guy lied! he lied. what a turn off.

there's a wave. blogging. should say i'm liking the entertainment.

i'm feeling the guilt. of not studying. and of succumbing to this pleasure of blogging.

The Black Parade

2008-11-09T10:31:00.024+08:00

Week two : The Black Parade

from a week full of gayness, were making one huge leap to a more,... shall i say melodramatic theme. but then again were still those nibwits from gay week .

like i said- the same crackheads from 'gay' week
P/S: YOU GUYS PROMISED ME A SHIRT!

hazman.ahbeng.kcv

ahbeng.kcv (the right version )

new week. same mistresses

yes i am thrifty! big time. syireen says : your the ECONOMIST

random.random siew wern wins the stoned-out faced contest. tha'ts one hell of a skill

this is specially for NADIRA JEANOT.paging nadira jeanot. thank you,that'd be 5 bucks please

i circle. you conclude

good pictures comes at a price
1. atiqah risks her life on the rooftop
2. atiqah agress giving "selflessness" a try. always not in the picture.
iniclasssaya
sayasukaclassini

and .. and VANITY- its a gift

- t a -

P/S : PICTURES COPYRIGHTED OK. BUT KIDS GRAB ON. a little credit agak nice kot

The Pink Gay Day

2008-10-24T12:52:00.022+08:00

this has been long overdue. sorry folks but this just needed to be "perfect"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“No it’s not a breast awareness support thing …”

My archi class kids wanted to be gay for a day. Yay us.

So we dudes and dudettes came up with an idea of making our days here in KBU more “colourful”. After much loud noises, screams, suggestion and of course rejections, we agreed to one themed day every week.

Week one : “ The Pink Gay Day”.

Only bummer was, some came to me and asked “ this for some breast cancer campaign?”. Sorry to disappoint you but nope. come to think of it, I might as well have said yes. Then we’d be the class with one big halo smack at its front door!

meet mud a.k.a luthfi and his married partner fadhli

and again..

and again

one more round.. and yes, they are wearing the same tee

so i just had to

atiqah (anne) +syireen (mary) = ah beng (king henry) ???

i know macam apa dia kan!

......like a cornetto love ad, i guess it pays being observant because you get subjects like "these" *points down*

oit, leong *shuuuuuh* run along now (no offense) -__-

there, that's more like it!

ze' class in motion

ze' class -static

meet mr. kok, my econs lecturer, his like jigglypuff from pokemon, when he "sings" everyone SLEEPS!

the dudes

.. and the duddettes

sarah going * why atiqah gets to seat!!! * - well sarah because she is EXTRA EXTRA special, only thing missing is a crown to go with it!

HAIL ME HAIL ME!!!

MEET THE ARCHI KIDS.

tiada yang sane. sorry

and congratulations you guys will have to put up with me for another whole year
thats a privilage only some enjoy, HONEST!

love the class
nuf said

Brighter Than Sunshine

2008-10-24T12:19:00.005+08:00

I can now fully believe in the fact/myth that – things turn up when you least expect them to be.

This experience has been very humbling. One that has made me thought a lot. An experience that made me believe in people….again.

You see, I was ready to give up my search on my purse. it was already close to midnight on 12th October 2008, i was too exhausted and I knew for a fact that having myself work up thinking what could have been is not going to do me any good, because the following week will require me running around getting things done. The roomie has been very comforting, telling me to take things easy, and you know what that's something I’ve learned from her. Redha.

My mobile rang, mama was on the other end. Wasn’t expecting the phone call nor the news that she was about to deliver. Miracles happen I reckon, but never to me, so I was never a fan of the word “miracle”. But probably on that fateful day, I found my miracle. A women, Mrs Lily,who lived in PJ, called my mum up, said that her husband found my purse.

I could have sworn, I was ready to roll around my little hostel room in tears. But then again I was too tired, so I had myself imagining I was rolling around my hostel room in tears instead . it’s a pity that my vocabulary is rather "limited" because it’d be awesome if I could just describe explicitly how it felt.

To cut it short, I went all the way to Sunway to meet up with Mrs Lily. She was really one good person at heart. Not a single penny was missing, all my cards still in its place even those irreplaceable things YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! Imagine that. That’s a gazillion load of my shoulder.

It sure is one exasperating “journey” back to my purse. but as far as I’m concern, it was worthwhile. Having myself seating for long hours in the rapid, the taxi and every other public transport you can imagine, it gave me time to think real hard. Looking back on it, so many people have helped me through this. From Pak Cik Polis in Kota Damansara, abang starbucks here at centrepoint, uncle taxi 1, 2 and 3, those CIMB people, my roommate, my friends, pak cik rapid, my parents and of course Mrs. Lily. I feel like throwing big hugs and baking you folks some kuih raya. I really do.

Pak Cik rapid for one changed his usual bus route FOR ME AND ME ALONE. He sent me all the way to Asia Jaya and there was only me in the bus, THE WHOLE BUS TO MYSELF! I didn’t even have to pay him one single extra penny. Saya super terharu

At one point I really felt like crying, considering everything it hit me hard when I think how helpful everyone has been. Frankly speaking, I question whether I deserve such treatment, am I worthy of their kindness? I wish to believe that I do, but until today, I really don’t feel that I am THAT deserving. You know some people are just born lucky, but me? and to that MUCH OF LUCK???!!! So in times like those, when I doubt myself with the good things that has be fallen upon me, I can only turn to the almighty, , and in all humbleness I praise HIM with alhamdullilah. For I believe he has HIS own plans and we play by HIS rules.

Living in today’s harsh reality, we lose that faith in people. Every man for himself, everyone is so suspicious on pretty much everything, always having only the worst impression of people. There’s a very fine line that separates the good from the bad. But every now and then, what’s wrong in having a little trust and simply looking at the world from a renewed perspective. Everything ain’t that bad, and not everyone has horns sticking out of their heads. You might just be happier instead. Everyone should try it someday.

Rainy Days Please Go Away

2008-10-24T12:03:00.006+08:00

it is still drizzling outside, it has been pouring for hours.

My afternoon has been somber, weird and unproductive. I am still without my purse. to some extent I have come to terms that the proximity of me finding it would be close to zero, but I still have faith.

then again I am probably IN DENIAL!

after hours of searching, all the way across the street in the middle of the night, after dozens of trips to CIMB but only with a mere frustration, after millions of phone calls, after a trip to Kota Damansara Police Station, and one sleepless night, I AM DONE.Yes, it’ll be a hassle, to get all the cards renewed but it’s the things that I can never replace is what I mourn over. Things are pretty messed up.Suddenly a free handbag is not what atiqah wants anymore. I just hope things will start to take the right turn.

sue said I am being cool considering everything. The thing is I freaked out all there is to be freaked about last night. So I figured why panic and freak? am not going to get things done anyhow.

**** intermission *****

So POOF YOU SAD MOURNING IDIOT! I am now changing the tone of this post

So yes, I lost a purse, somewhere in Iraq a mother probably lost a son. Damn you should be grateful.

I look $@!#$%% in my I.D and Student card. There you go, another chance at a beautiful I.D!

My 40 ringgit- gone in a snap of a finger, but hey what about those who has been living with nothing.

See if this had never happened I wouldn’t know that there are more than 20 taxi companies and bookings can be made online.

If this had never happened, I wouldn’t have had the experience of lodging my own police report, or get my I.D done by myself * cool eyh*

but maybe those irreplaceable items…

You see, whats life without a little challenge to spice things up. i’ll take it in as one helluva experience . just maybe a little cautious in the future. I am only human, so I guess its human nature to panic then question WHY ME? But why not? Have your mourning period then suck it up and deal with it. Life is a fickle, always is and always will be. i’m no wonder woman, but I sure try to be :P

atiqah wants a handbag

2008-10-07T11:11:00.006+08:00

likeWHOAH!

so who would say no to free things?
and frankly speaking no shemale would say NO to FREE HANDBAGS!

to hanlyn, lynettte and juin mei thank you because I AM NOW ON A HANDBAG FETISH AS WELL!

its like a tag game, i only get one chance to win a free handbag, but if i tag it on my blogsite i get another chance, so here people

www.handbagplanet.com

HELP ATIQAH WIN A HANDBAG! :p

p/s: dear god, please let me win the green one! please please.

raya saya

2008-10-04T12:01:00.001+08:00

raya was different. the kind of different that i liked. a lot

it was very simple. and i love simple

i enjoyed raya this year for many reasons. for one i got to play bunga api that i have been dying to play for ages but i think raya felt more satisfying because i wasn't expecting a lot, in fact i wasn't expecting anything at all.

but i guess maybe because now that i am away in college, my raya this year was really just about enjoying the good company, having myself close to home and family and that's that. though i stayed indoors the whole time, i have nothing to complain about. no, i don't think i am being anti-social here, because that RARELY happens, but i was very content about lazing around the kampong house playing with my two little heroes. it was very fun.

i didn't mind the cleaning, the cooking. i'm entertained by the two little clowns. i enjoyed listening the stories and gossips from the aunts *my mum including*. i love the chats on the same old swing.

i've always loved raya. but now that i'm older, i have to admit it's not like what it used to be. flipping through the pages of the photo album, i realized how i miss having everyone cramped up in that kampong house, all my uncles, aunts and cousins will flock down to Kedah -that was way back when tuk and tuk wan was still around. the house would be so noisy back then. i remembered staying up untill the wee hours chatting away with my cousins, having jemaah prayers together. There were so many of us, when dinner came, the kids would have to seat on the floor and all the lauk would be nicely laid down for us. We even get to watch tv while we eat.

That was back then, now the house is pretty quiet, well okay maybe not so quiet because my two little cousins whine a lot. But its just not the same now. Everyone is growing older,that's inevitable and that's just how life goes about. Its sad to think that I might not have those big gathering rayas anymore. It really is heartbreaking. I don't even know when my little family of five can seat and have raya together. Sometimes although silly, I wish those two little clowns will never ever grow up and will forever entertain me and keep the house alive.

This time my family came back to Penang pretty early. I had the chance to meet my cousins from my dad's side of the family. Its been a while, four or five years at least. That was nice.

Anyhow, i'm just saying that raya is different for me this year and to you folks,
selamat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin.

.....unsecured internet in LANGGAR, ALOR SETAR

2008-10-04T11:45:00.000+08:00

Raya is finally here :)

I'm still in my purple baju kurung which I bought yesterday at bargain price after mama thought that wearing my kebaya nyonya would be a hassle if I was going for the raya prayers. Truth is she would just love seing me not in KEBAYA NYONYA! Oh beautiful kebaya i shall wear you soon enough.

As we speak, Atiqah is BLOATED. SLEEPY AND RICH!

First things first, I personally would like to congratulate my kampong, (Jalan Makam, Langgar, Alor Setar, Kedah) for proving that kedah boleh maju by 2010! You see my kampong is a real kampong, with paddy fields, rivers, and basically no astro. Well they have astro next door but not this house. We even do the traditional cooking on kayu api for rendangs. So it comes to a shocker when my dad told me, eyh ada internet access. For godasakes, even BU has lame connection. Wasn't having my hopes up but what do you know STEADY UNSECURED INTERNET! So yay me. Felt weird in the beginning, but kampungku sudah maju :) I could even skype with a friend back in Penang!!

My two little cousins looked at me weird and said

"Suara tu datang dari mana?"

so i casually answered

"Owh dari Penang"

Raya was /is not bad. I'd give it a seven out of ten. Its been ages since I Iast played with the bunga api, so that was really fun. Finished all 88 sticks of them at one go.With the meriam buloh blasting away and the firecrackers lighting up the sky, it felt like I was a kid again.

****

Abang called all the way from Brisbane, he baked chocolote chips and raya cookies -___-

Babah dressed up pretty fancy., with the sampin and all.

Mama told me that my tailored baju raya is not ready

So I shopped a day before raya, as usual..

Nabeyl told me he shopped in Pekan Rabu until the wee hours. WAAAAAH SAYA JUGA MAHU SHOPPING!

I stayed "indoors" for raya. Stuff me self. then rolled like a ball.

Raya is quite different this year. It was very simple but I quite enjoy it. I like simple. I love RAYA!

the ramadhan

2008-10-04T10:38:00.019+08:00

I’m home. Here.

YEP! Raya’s almost here. The first Ramadhan away from home was really.. different. More so in BU. You don’t go on seeing many bazaars around and I don’t know if I’d call it “disappointing” but for the many moments that have come to pass, it really didn’t feel like puasa at all. Just another day without lunch. I guess I’ll take that as practice *teehee* for the coming years (hopefully).

Sahur “dates” with my roommate and the usual bukak puasa with the S’s( pronounced asses :x) – sue , sua and syireeen. Every now and then if I am in need of a little raya spirit I’ll go visit Greenway (my little shopping place- it’s a grocery store downstairs). They’ve been spinning tons of raya tunes in the past few weeks and the thought of going back to Kedah celebrating raya just makes me all jolly. Sometimes having that little tinge keeps me going. With exams, quizzes, and cutting off shopping time, I find ways to keep me sane.

But the college and the JPA peeps here are doing lots to make Ramadhan eventful. We had a buka puasa thing a few weeks back. I’ll sum it up and leave the boring parts out.

I was late (yet again). No wait WE were late (yet again). I don’t know why this “late” thing is becoming second nature to us. We set the time, a specific time limit but magically WE ARE ALWAYS THE LAST ONES TO ARRIVE. It drizzled, then BAM , it rained, it rained pretty hard. Ran in the rain with that small stupid umbrella, god knows why anyone would come up with such dumb idea having an umbrella that small. So we had our ‘grand’ entrance in soaking wet baju kurung. Like things cannot be any perfect kan.

(skipping boring parts)

The night was young and the nibwits plus wei song (not a nibwit-very sane) went a-wall and decided that WE NEED SOME SERIOUS CAMWHORING TIME. The results, voila :*the not so helpful umbrella(s)*

*******

I have this weird obsession over Lepat Pisang. I do. Was desperately searching for it the last time I came back home. BU, they don’t have them ( you cannot find any kuih in BU- kononnya Bandar Utama) plus Sue said “ tapi utara punya lepat rasa lain”. So one fateful day, as my obsession grew ridiculously stronger, and as my strength of containing it within me fell to zero, I, with a killer desire cooked my own lepat pisang utara.

Should have seen how determined I was. Went running to Sue’s room for internet. Checked out the recipe, ran down to Greenway and bought the ingredients and before you know it I was cooking. (Ok I exaggerated a little on the whole running thing) Guess what, my first lepat pisang tasted awesome.*claps in the back* We even had a little lepat pisang party of our own. I sleep well that night, even had a smile on.

sue's cute little ricecooker

********

When ramadhan comes, everyone suddenly feels the need to do the usual puasa rituals, go to bazaars, buy tremendous amount of food, stuff yourself up then roll like a ball. Especially now that I am away, buka puasa is definitely different. Headed off to Taman Tun’s bazaar with sue, sua and nabeyl. Bought myself LEPAT PISANG(s) and… some firecrackers! INVITATIONS are open people! Let’s play after raye aite! Made a discovery , T.T.D.I actually stands fer Taman Tun Dato Ismail. Yeah silly me, thought it was some highway name like N.K V.E. Okay you know what, I hate acronyms. Screw em’.

*******

Few days back I was in PKNS. Raya shopping with the roomie. This is all I’ve got to say.

Getting on rapid to Shah Alam is way way cheaper.

Never ever go to PKNS during raya season without having your sahur, because you might die.

Withdraw enough money before hand because atm machines go stupid on festive seasons.

Having not a single penny is painful. I felt poor and needy.

Shah Alam punye kuih lagi best dari BU

Taxi have night charges-bodo.

and owh look what i discovered
kicap berpenutup zara!!

Haeeee P!

2008-09-30T10:25:00.008+08:00

I think it was last Friday. Hmm.. yes it was.

I love Fridays. A two hour English class and that’s it! So we had a sort of “reading” competition. Mrs. Lee’s class is always extra extra fun when she puts her bid on a pizza. She’s so cute every time she goes “ Deal or No Deal ?”. And we harmoniously would answer “DEAL!!!”So here’s the thing, anyone with a perfect band 9 score wins a pizza. But guess what 3 weeks now and still NO PIZZA!!

We, food deprived college kids should be rewarded more often. Since ma’am is big on junks, last week’s bid was on 2 packs of kinder beuno and a pack of chipster. To cut things short me, hanis, ah beng and hazman *the not so pro people* WON! Proves that speed counts for nothing if the accuracy ain’t there *right Daniel?? Coughs*

So then me and the roomie heard about the acuvue people that was in college, giving out free coloured contact lenses. Only catch is, there’s this competition that we need to enter. Bla bla bla, we did enter, made a fool of ourselves BUT hey free coloured contact lenses. I choose grey, probably because I’ve always wanted eyes like meredith’s or aishwarya’s , yeah dream on!

Our timing couldn’t be any less perfect. By the time we were at the main entrance, Hitz.fm cruisers cruised into college which could only mean one thing MORE FREE STUFF! There weren’t many people in college, half of em’ were already off for Friday Prayers and there was practically no one, and for a moment it did feel that we were the last two kids crazy enough to spend their Friday lunch break in college. Since giving away things are their policy, instead of winning them, they were literally handing it to us instead.

just perfect, i'm running low on toothpaste

Me: Anymore free things, I’ll take in everything.

Roomie : Yeah, yeah anything and everything.

Hitz : How bout CLEO mags?

Me : Owh we have that copy already, but hey why not just have three copies *evil grin*

Then people started to flock in and errgh, we had to compete. Kacau je. It was fun tho’.

So then

Aldrin went on : If you have any good comments you can just log on to our blog on our website but if you have some critics, you can do so at, f space y. fm.com

People: ???

Me: huh??.... O o O OOOOOOOOOOOoo

Aldrin : Your fast!

New tag line : I shall stop buying CLEO, I’ll win them every month instead!

Plain Gross

2008-09-29T00:36:00.013+08:00

To not disappoint my mother, and those who every now and then view my blog to find nothing but old posts…. here you go ;)

Sorry folks, September have been pretty tight with exams, project papers, events and you know, college “things” in general. But I guess the fact that the internet that has pretty much been non-existence just makes me a little too lazy to blog. (shadap Daniel, A1 have lame internet connection so yes internet is an excuse for me not to blog).So I succumb to reading NST every night on the hiatus of Malaysia’s political scene instead. It’s very fun and time consuming, seriously! On second thought it’s not so fun, everything is so government bias.

Needless to say I DO HAVE A LIFE! A very busy one in fact. Now that I have time for myself and the fact that I am not in the mood for physics, I AM GOING TO BLOG!

Lets play the picture guessing game. FYI *I don't have a fridge*

Clue : seriously not a larvae

Brutal truth: it’s SUE’S KAYA- gone bad. With fungus, that little mountain thing protruding out and god knows what else.

Sua,*my roomie* went : OMG tangkap gamba! Camera camera.!!

Cool?? Very kan! I’ve got to tell you though it smells ridiculously awful. But hey good picture always comes with a price.

Clue: not a friggin lasagna

Brutal truth : Its my baked beans gone eeewwwieee.

Again the roomie went : Oi camera camera! Seriously look at the bubbles coming out from it. We were so tempted to poke it! Grosss with a triple “s”.

Clue : this is pretty obvious

Brutal truth : these are “evolved” rambutans. Well Syireen gave it to me and Sua, she did remind us to eat it real fast before it goes bad. But I guessed it slipped somewhere in between.

Again the roomie : CAMERA CAMERA! Those white things looked like a spider’s web to both of us, thus our stupid hypothesis that a giant spider had an overnight with our rambutans. Still to this day, I have no idea how it’d get to that point.

Maybe I should consider a fridge, or maybe an icebox. I don’t know. I’ll probably dig up the store once I get back home.