Flying Red Kites

now that i have sign up to become an architecture student for the next 5 years.i have been warned of the long sleepless nights ahead and the antisocial freak status i might award myself with.

i presume that i'll have no time, and probably no life in the near future, the fact that i have two blogs, has now become hilarious.
so i'm keeping it to just one, and i'm moving

here

ta, >.<

Barracuda

now that i've announced my photoblog, i can afford to be stupid here. not that i am not stupid anywhere else.

1. i've been reading my old entries. i was so alive back then . is this an age thing? do people die silently as they age?

2. that wasn't a rhetorical question, but if it was, i would like to answer "no"

3. the conclusion that some may make that i am broken, sad and empty are just some messed up theory thou emo kids would love to throw, but no, i choose not to sign up with thou club.

4. i write when i feel like it, which amazingly comes when i am feeling blergh. which would explain no.3

5. i will be flying off in February, it would be awesome if it was on my birthday,

6. i am doing architecture, not medicine, or engineering , or economics, or anything else that people thing i look like i might end up doing. or law.

7. come febuary, i will be homeless, so i try to snuggle in as much as i can now. i even took pictures to remember how a home looks like.

8. i will be flying off to unsw, and would so love to visit and crash in with syireen dan pura pura menjadi pelajar rmit for a day,

9. i have anxiety attacks, and i cry wee wee wee wee. that sounds funny when written.but its not. it really isn't

10, because ill be homeless soon, i have come to a conclusion that why not spend now. while i still have a place to store all my purchases.

11. Robin, Scherbatsky, that is how it is spelled, you faggots.

12. and no, as much as you think it will, but it will not be legendary, because you guys are just not barney the awesome stinson.

13. neil patrick harris can do musicals and still be awesome. and not turn fag like . like how that efron kid has successfully ruin his reputation.

14. watch year one. because its jack black and micheal cera.

15. speaking of, maybe i should do reruns of jackass.

16. thanks nis, now i cannot bloody shut up about running around in boots. buying a watergun and play cowboy.

17. my mother was wrong when she said boots is only for winter.

18. clearly she has never had a thing for cowboys. like i do,

19. i was never in love, until i met kenneth cole yesterday.

20. all i want and am doing is running my fingers all over him. his black. all the more reason.

21. no, not like what you think it is.

22. i think television is the second greatest invention after roller coasters.

23. its been a while since i last saw a butterfly.

24. wasting money buying bus tickets is really the only productive thing i've done since college ended

25. i slept in an architecture studio last saturday. i would like to think my awesomeness level on the awesome meter have move up by one point.

26. bathed in a shopping mall toilet. how sophisticated. no?

27. i am not 25. fark lah, i am 20

28. fark lah, i am 20.

29. does that mean, i have to act cool. and 20 like. because i can't . this is pissing me off

30. escalators in singapore moves twice as fast as the ones in malaysia. which explains a lot

31, its basically pointless putting all these night creams on. i have gazillion melanin and unless i decide to have a laser surgery which basically is impossible because ill be poor soon, i will have to make do with the fact that ill be tan and dark.

32. which is okay, since i am going to sydney. so ill blend in.

33. poyo of me, but i am really excited to get started with my classes.

34. if there were 5 , we could've have perfected the wondergirls dance move.

35.darn it hanis- canberra ?seriously!

36. syireen asyina ismail, i miss seating in a box with you. and getting summons, and drives around without a helmet. bet can't do that in aussie.

37. which of course is not entirely true. because we might find a bigger box.

38. that nerd with the crop pants, and the gold glasses, and the fly blue blazer, is stuck in my head, he was cute.

39. he went to Bartlet! friggin Bartlet!

40. fuck it.

The Long Overdue

i've been wanting to do this for a very long time, guess it wouldn't hurt to try

http://atiqahmuhamad.blogspot.com/

The Commemoration

"close my eyes count to ten,
open up, here i am at the end"

graduating feels...

like sipping hot coffee on a raining Sunday morning. like popcorn at a love movie.like dancing to Daft Punk on the kitchen floor.like running wild on the Caribbean beaches.like that gush of wind that blows against your tanned skin.like speeding on a freeway.like walking alone with your trench coat on a street of lights.like laying on a valley of daffodils.like staring into the sky trying to draw constellations.like for a second you had wings, and you flew.

you can't see the other side, you have no expectations of what might be. just mere chances and possibilities. but it feels good, you wish the feeling stays a little longer, you wish you'll live in the moment for forever. and that would be enough. you can't stop smiling though it aches. you can't stop laughing though it hurts. and you feel free. you know you are free. i never say this, but i am proud of myself,

i am proud of of every single one of you folks that fought your way to the end. this has been a long hard road that we've trudge, but lets cross over. lets end this with grace.

i salute all comrades of AUSMAT class 'o9. congratulations, you can hold that scroll and be proud
touche'

The Race Ends Here

crack some balls , so here goes nothing...

* centrepoint's much missed rooftop*

i seat here, as she packs along, i just seat here and watch. i seat here in my corner of this small haven, probably even my second home already and for the thousandth time, i'm at a lost of words. i could only tell you that i've written countless drafts, call me a coward but if lines of anger, if lines of one who surrenders becomes words on your lips, then i wouldn't have come to this end, i wouldn't have come out battered ,i wouldn't have done myself the justice, i wouldn't have finish this with grace, i wouldn't be able to hold that scroll - with pride. because i know me, i would have consumed myself with the unnecessary, i would have exaggerated, i would have repeat the chant until i believe that i can never do it, because its safer to put yourself down low, to constantly only achieve what is decent and not aim high. i would have.. but i did not.

i seat here, and my voice chokes up every time i try humming to that tune, i seat at an in between of feeling proud and glad, yet just sad and bitter. its funny if you ask me how our senses work. a tune, a smell, a taste just brings you back in time, then everything flashes by you like a tape on rewind. fast yet familiar. and at the end of it you find yourself half laughing half crying - pathetic much. i have a feeling packing up and the goodbye will be different this time, it would be hard to do.

The Story I Wish I Can Have

"I can live only wholly with you, or not at all" - Ludwig Van Beethoven

.today is my parents 25th anniversary.

*
and,

my mum whom despise going to the cinema,
wants to watch 2012
on her 25th anniversary

i hope this means
" bah, i'll be with you until the end, the end of time"

my mum is one clever woman isn't she
i want to have 25 and more

The Elastic Limit

" you're out of luck " - Bono

everyone has their own baggage to carry. everyone has their own fights to win. i have mine and you do too, i am sure. so don't patronize, don't throw accusations, don't make it harder than it already is. the difference between people, and the degree of respect that they earn is how they come out of that shit hole. seriously. i have my own punching bag, i suggest you get one too. jeng :)

you seldom get weeks where everything seems to happen at one go. last week was one of those very rare weeks. the kind where you get to see how people are stripped off the mask that they clinged so tight to, the kind where you see who voluntarily comes to your rescue and offers a hug, offers a punching bag, the kind where you see how forgiving or unforgiving people can be, the kind that you see how time flies and you finally have to bid adieu, the kind where you decide to go for a night out and drown in its silence, the kind that makes you seat at the park for hours wishing that you are that kid with that pink slippers chasing those cute little boys, the kind where you try to put matters of the past, the present and what could be into perspective , the kind that reminds you that everyone else is also human, no different than what you are. so be fair.

i hope kan, everyone will be happy. heee :)

sometimes i don't see a point of rambling , i read sarah's (sim) blog just a few hours ago, and what she wrote haunts me. what she wrote haunts me because it's true.

"you don't say the same things to two different person do you? at least not in the same mannerism and tone" -sarah sim.

p/s : mppj are such gold diggers, stalkers even. i don't appreciate you taking the money that i have been saving up for a duffel bag, a pair of flats, or a decent dress . or a nikon D5000. mppj jahat.

The White Flag

" ma, bah, i know you check on me here, thank you. i don't say thank you enough"

ma, bah nak balik penang sekejap. i need your blessings before my mock exam. before it's too late. i'm caving in, i feel like crying on your shoulders like a five year old.

:'(

abang says he wants to go home too but the difference between him and me - he gets to go around sydney, he gets to backpack around melb, and he gets to scuba dive like Nemo in great barrier reef. he is already where he wants to be or at least suppose to be. the difference between him and me- his future is a secured one and mine is like a fog in the wee hours. its slowly evanescing away.

The Fine Thread

"it's time to live and let die" - billie joe armstrong

i like it more back then. when the world that i know now, is much less of a scary place, much less of a shit hole. oblivious to all of its complexities. when right is just right, and wrong is plain wrong. an obvious two. it's vague now, there is a fine thread that separates the good and the bad. then you have the difficult in between, the ugly and the reality of things. what you see, is never what you get. they say, what you don't know, won't hurt you, so i deliberately ask -" really now? that's just fucking denial" . sometimes our faith shakens under the unspeakable truth, and you are left uninvited, pondering in the corner. what do i believe in these days?

the fight gets tougher, the problems ain't petty, the drunk don't get any wiser. and math ain't getting any easier.


. ciao .

The Morning Wishes

"lets have coffee, shall we"

hey,
g 'm o r n i n g


*
the semi-awake-college-going-kid